submitting to the fitfully, cryptically true

so today begins an experiment. i tell you all this, so as a means to pressure myself until i breakout in acne and so you may be witnesses to this little endeavor, and you may share in the acne if you desire. today begins a chapter we shall call "operation: dumbo drop" because the name of the game is dumbo dropping a few, or at least me losing a few pounds before i decide to hang my chin on the coatrack, which wouldn't be pretty. aesthetically, or ideally.
so the story, is this. i have two weeks to lose ten pounds. and my reasoning is this: i can gain ten pounds in two days, therefore i can certainly lose them in fourteen. and before anyone tries to hand me any "you don't need to lose weight, you're sort of okay to look at as it is" well, bull-corn. this isn't just so i can fit into my little sister's totally cute and fashion-forward wardrobe. that's just an advantage. i am not about to backtrack on my ass and start shopping from the hangers marked "L" for large. i gave that up a long time ago. so let's do an experiment and see if paul is able to do anything he sets his mind to. let's see if paul can do more than talk shit and make promises he doesn't intend to keep.
anyway. my point is that i've been getting chubby in the face, and there's a reason for that, and it's not a good one. but there are five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand reasons for me to be able to say "wait up, hold up, mister lover" and then go do some lunges, right? exactly. so i will keep you all updated, as i see fit. and now, a glass of water.